Patiently Parenting

Growing up I got in trouble a lot...and I mean a lot! I probably wasn't the best of kids, so sorry mom and dad! I don't know about you guys but I was always pushing the limits in our house and breaking the rules.  Even with me constantly angering my parents they were almost always loving.  I rarely ever remember getting "punished".  Some might hear this and think "in order to get a child to behave well you need to punish them".  Well, that couldn't be further from the truth. I think if we change one word it there it would be extremely accurate.  So how about this..." in order to get a child to behave well you need to discipline them".  Some might still think that that is the same thing, but it's not.  Punishment and discipline are very much two different concepts.

Layne E. and Jana Squires Flake talked about this concept in the 1983 article Punishment or Discipline.  In this article that said:

"Punishment calls for “retributive suffering.” But discipline is “training that corrects, molds, or perfects.” Punishment is directed at the child himself. Discipline is directed more at the objectionable behavior of the child; it is something we do for our children, not to them."

To establish love, respect, and harmony in a home, we must be an example to others in our home.  This is especially true for children. Children follow and do what they know and see.  If they see anger and yelling (characteristic associated with punishment), their behavior will reflect these things.  However, if they see misbehavior matched with love and respect from their parent it is likely they will take on these attributes. On Positive Parenting's website, they discuss how discipline and punishment are not the same. In this article, they said:

"Punishment causes children to focus their attention and anger toward an “unfair” adult rather than on learning to be responsible for their own actions. Violence perpetuates violence. In a recent landmark study, 41% of parents believed that a child should be spanked for hitting."

I am not saying I am completely against spanking, but it should be done properly and appropriately. I do believe, however, that matching a child's anger with anger is not teaching them how to over a problem calmly.  It instead is confusing for the child, why is it okay for adults to yell and be angry but not a child? 

Lynn G. Robbins gave a talk in April 2011 called: What Manner Of Men and Women Ought Ye Be?.  In this talk, he discusses the topic of discipline saying:

"Discipline comes from the same root word as disciple and implies patience and teaching on our part. It should not be done in anger. [...] Through discipline the child learns of consequences. In such moments it is helpful to turn negatives into positives. If the child confesses to a wrong, praise the courage it took to confess. Ask the child what he or she learned from the mistake or misdeed, which gives you, and more important, the Spirit an opportunity to touch and teach the child."

Discipline requires patience understanding, whereas punishment rushes into consequences.  when angry or upset it can be difficult to make judgment calls on consequences. Punishment can also be something a superior does to an inferior to gain control of that inferior.  By my parents taking the time to show love and concern for me and what I was going through they we able to effectively discipline me.  They also provided the necessary appropriate consequences but all while not instituting 'suffering' to me, their child.