In a marriage, there are so many factors that try to damage or destroy the bond between a husband and wife. A few of these are the 3 F's, Family, Friends, and Facebook. As we set up boundaries regarding these things we begin to build our garage to protect our marriage from outside forces.
Family: this one can be the most dangerous of the 3 F's because it can easily be justified. Since we are used to them being the ones we turned to before being married it is hard to change that after the wedding. There can be thoughts like "they have known me my whole life, they understand me" or "they can help me understand what to do with this problem in our marriage". Like I mentioned before this can easily be justified...of course, you would turn to them right?
The answer is no, at least not for everything. By turning to family for a lot of things can actually intervene with the couples ability to rely on each other. This could even result in insecurities and jealousies being formed. Difficulties and conflict will definitely happen in a relationship, but if those challenges are told to family members the problem could last longer than needed. Since family members are not usually involved in the "make-up" process with the couple in conflict, they will hold the grudge long after you've resolved it with your spouse. Instead, clinging together as husband and wife is what needs to happen. In Genesis 2:24 Adam said: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh." After the wedding, it is crucial to remember that you two are a new family and you are partners together in life.
Friends: this can include unintentional emotional infidelity. Friends, especially of the opposite sex, can invade without intending to. Emotional infidelity such as sharing tender feelings, confidence, and aspirations, creates bonds with someone other than your spouse. This can be damaging and may even lead to other forms of infidelity. There are a few things that can be done to create safe boundaries between friends, of the opposite sex, and your marriage. Here are just a few suggestions: do not seek them out for conversation, do not spend time with them alone, announce your marriage, and exercise caution with interacting with those other than your spouse. To help classify if something may or may not right look closely at these questions to ask yourself to protect your marriage from emotional infidelity:
- Am I turning to my friend for comfort rather than turning to my spouse?
- Am I seeking opportunities to be with my friend even when work/school doesn't require it?
- Am I emailing or texting my friend when not together?
- Am I comparing my spouse to my friend?
- Do I think of my friend when I am at home?
If it doesn't feel right no matter how small, it's not right. Just as if your partner doesn't feel it's right, it's probably not. President Spencer W. Kimball said:
"Ther are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms: "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else" (D&C 42:22). And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. And, to the woman it is paraphrased: "Thou shalt love thy husband and all thy heart and shalt cleave unto him and none else." The words non else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.'
In a marriage, we should hold strongly to our bond between our spouse. Continue respecting and loving the one you chose to have for the rest of your life.
Facebook: this includes all social media. It is typically seen as a harmless distraction, but in reality, it is a distraction that can begin to pull couples apart. Social media can be an extremely beneficial tool in our lives as long as we don't let it become more. Our time spent on social media should not supersede our time spent with our spouse. Also, monitor how you are spending your time on social media. Keeping tabs or checking up on those who you were in a past relationship can be harmful. To keep yourself accountable, make sure anything you do online is something you are willing to discuss with your partner. If you are tempted to hide any online activity it might be a good time to reevaluate.
My husband and I are not of the lucky few that had perfectly working boundaries set up when we got married. In fact, this is something that we have struggled with. I am no expert contractor where I can build a garage in a day or without failing a few times first. My husband and I have been continuously working as setting boundaries in our marriage to protect it from outside forces. While the structure of our garage is coming along we still have a ways to go. I expect that we will continue working on perfecting our garage structure throughout our entire marriage.
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